The very fact that I’m writing this should show that I have some serious ADHD. Because apparently, my brain won’t be happy until I pound out a post before I get to study. Why am I this way? I have no freaking clue. But I feel like writing a rant. About ADHD. Because quite frankly, the majority of the world doesn’t get it.
I may be talking to a wall here, but I’m determined to make you people understand.
ADHD IS REAL, IS NOT A CHARACTER FLAW, AND SHOULD NEVER BE TREATED AS IF IT WERE!
*pants* Okay. Now here goes.
I’m possibly thinking about medication for my ADHD. OH NO oh yes, Medication. With a capital M. But first, lets look at what ADHD is…
For me its…
- My brain never ever shutting up. EVER. Seriously- its maddening.
- Focusing on one thing for 3 hours straight, and thinking 5 minutes went by.
- Then, being unable to focus on anything, because I’m focusing on everything.
- Not being able to hear well in a crowd, because I can’t focus on what the person in front of me is saying.
- Not being able to remember names, including those of family members.
- Constantly having to be on watch that I don’t blurt stuff out.
- Talking incessantly. And I do mean incessantly.
- Thinking I know what you’re going to say before you say it, all the time.
- Losing my keys, glasses, or anything else if I set it down for 2 seconds.
- A million other things I could write.
But what makes this different from gazillions of other people who have at one time or another had these symptoms? Well for one thing, those lucky other people have those symptoms “at on time or another” not EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Listen people, its not a character flaw, either. I HATE it when I’m told that “if only I would just try harder” if only I “would just focus, its not so hard” if only I could “just control myself” it would all be better and I’d stop annoying the crap out of people.
Guess what. I’m trying. I’m trying. I’m trying…and it isn’t going away. Not even Mr. Serrano gets it, and he normally gets me. You can’t make a disorder go away by willing it away. I’m being coached a little to help with it, but I might be one of those people who needs meds.
Does that mean I think that meds are going to solve everything? No. Does that mean I’m going to start popping Ritalin like there isn’t a next year? No. Does that mean I’m going to become a veg? I better not.
But something needs to be done about it. I’m an adult now, so idiot parents telling me that this is normal and I need to just “try harder” is no longer excuse. Neither is a doctor that has no freaking clue what the hell ADHD is in the first place (maybe because he is a MEDICAL doctor???hmmmm????) telling me that because I am A) a female and B) got good grades that that means I’m not ADHD- neither is that an excuse.
I’m SICK AND TIRED of LOSING EVERY ARTICLE THAT ISN’T ATTACHED TO ME and I’m DOUBLE sick and tired of STRUGGLING in my classes because I can’t schedule worth a damn! I’m sick and tired of this causing an issue in my relationships, romantic or friendships, just because I have an attention disorder!!!
And I’d also like to add that YES. I have DYSCALCULIA!! That is why I can’t help but GET LOST EVERY TIME I GO DRIVING, why I can’t COUNT CHANGE TO SAVE MY ASS and why MY FAILING GRADES IN MATH HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH MY PERCEIVED LACK OF AMBITION!
I am NOT lazy, I am NOT stupid, I am NOT crazy, and I am CERTAINLY NOT trying to be this way. I have ADHD and Dyscalculia, and it really really sucks sometimes. They are both real disorders, and for whatever reason, I have them.
So kindly stop belittling me, world. ADHD affects my ability to drive, because I LITERALLY get distracted by butterflies on the side of the road. ADHD might end up killing me, just because I can’t concentrate well even (especially) while driving.
Next person to tell me to try harder gets to hear this little snippity bit.
Why don’t you, Mr. Wheelchair person, just try harder at walking? Gosh, don’t you have any ambition? Why are you so lazy? I’m sure if you tried hard enough you could walk just as well as everyone else. Are you just trying to be different or annoy people or something? Just admit that the only thing holding you back is you.
Dare you to tell that to a paraplegic. I so dare you.
**Mr. Serrano doesn’t understand, but he is better than some people. He’s at least open to the idea that ADHD exists and that its causing my issues, although he’s very anti-medication. Other people just don’ get it. Like my family. In particular my wonderful mother, Mrs. Will-deny-ADHD-until-Dr.Phil- decides-it- exists.
Yeah, for real. She denied it until questionable Dr. Phil decided to do a show on it.
Oh…and part of the reason I like the Rosary is so that I can play with the beads while praying. Yay!