My name is Katoriku Rant. You ticked me off. Prepare to hear some rant.

Kudos to you if you read that hearing Inigo Montoya’s voice.

I rant a lot. Its what keeps me from picking up some random weapon, sword and pistol by my side, traveling to some foreign, hostile country, and planning a one-woman murder rampage on the nearest sheep-raping woman-beating beard groomer in the area. Without rant, many people could easily become this guy.

I love how they describe him as “a devout Christian with a prison record”, by the way. Unless the Jerusalem Post is actually trying to describe a Saul to Paul slant (unlikely because I’m sure the Jews probably don’t like the moral of that story), and is not trying to link Christians with Crazy (capital C intended), I’m guessing the psycho probably doesn’t qualify as Christian. You know, because breaking the law is considered a sin, especially when it lands you in jail.

But I’m going off on a tangent again, aren’t I?

So what’s my rant today?


I really, really, really, REALLY mean this when I say it. I did not become Catholic for the abundance of awesome people that happen to be Catholic. For one thing, a lot of people have been baptized and confirmed Catholic, but have no clue about anything the Church teaches.

The Catechism? Wasn’t that done away with in the spirit of Vatican II?

The Devil? Isn’t that just a cute literary device used by primitives?

Gay Pride Mass with clowns on the side? When and where, baby?

Obama? Isn’t he our bestest best friend ever?

I know because I used to be one of those Catholics, and I find myself surrounded by them every day. Sometimes I ignore them, sometimes I attempt a little heresy burning, and I almost always find my patience tried by them.

However, besides the CEO (Christmas Easter Only…if that) Catholics, you’ve also got to get past the (as Sister Allie puts it) “O Holier-Than-Thou” Catholics.

They’re almost as bad as the progressive heretics (oh yes, you so are. get over it, and no, I’m not going to burn you. Some idiot decided to go all democracy and prevent fun crap like that…) for a number of reasons. Foremost among them is their inability to laugh at anything that isn’t even more g-rated than Veggie tales. Heck, even *that* might be considered a little edgy.

To be clear, I am not one of those people that goes around saying “OMG UR JUDGING ME” if I get informed that yes, indeed sin A happens to be a mortal sin, and I should probably cut it out if I want to avoid some personal time with Satan, Hitler, a pineapple, and an afternoon humoring Sister Chittister. Heck, I’m happy when someone just bluntly says the truth without trying to turn Jesus into a stinky, pot-smoking, guitar strumming hippie who hasn’t figured out that the 60’s died out a long, long time ago.

Thanks, crappy catechism! (Have I mentioned a few times that Jesus went crazy in the temple and started whipping the crap out of the money changers while screaming at them to get out of his Father’s house? Can you imagine how freaking awesome and terrifying that must have been?)

Anyway, the reason I’m ranting is because I asked a question. Mr. Serrano observed and inferred that the Mass seemed to him to be a burla, or mockery in English. Or a joke, if you prefer that word. It was an intriguing concept for me.

It also troubled me, but after he explained that its because 1) priests themselves sometimes seem to treat the Mass as no big thing (sigh) and 2) personally, he finds it difficult to “relive someone’s death every week” whether at a Mass or in a Christian service.

Well, explaining the thing about a Mass is a Mass is a Mass no matter if the priest treats the altar boys like a group of towel boys, or even if super loud, drunk Mexican party music is blasted throughout, was easy.

The other part? Well, lets just say I don’t believe it but I’m not good at articulating it in English, let alone Spanish.

Since I have been a lurker on the Catholic Answers forums for years, I thought it would be safe to take a gander and drop a question about this.

WOW. That was stupid. Instead of a reasoned answer chock-full of Bible quotes, the Catechism, and a reference for a neat book that is on the reading list of every cool Bishop out there, I get the Catholic equivalent of “take your wedding ring and shove it up his bum-hole so hard, just so hard”.

Apparently, Mr. Serrano is anti-Catholic. You know, because Anti-Catholics love going to RCIA, and asking questions about the Catholic faith.

So I wrote an answer back, asking that my original question be removed, since the response was so piss-poor rude (not to mention pat) that I’d rather other people not get disheartened.I also asked for an apology, and further explained just why the conclusions jumped to lead straight off a cliff. Given that I was considerably pissed, I think I managed to be mostly charitable, if blunt.

You know, it is possible that some people are honestly that clueless about the meaning of church, Mass, and all things Christian, and they really want to know what is up with our practices.You know, like the good chunk of Catholics who had water thrown at them, a few words said, were baptized, and that was the extent of their catechism.

Geez, I had crappy instruction in the faith, but at least I had some instruction. The Mass has never been totally alien for me the way it is for Mr. Serrano. “There but for the grace of God go I” has really begun to take on meaning in my life because of my religious chats with my fiance.

Of course, I get back some dumb, sanctimonious response that managed quite well to insult my intelligence while making it clear who’s king of the pedestal. I guess that now that I’m not going to drop my fiance because some faceless entity on the internet decided I should do so based on a stupid, hastily made conclusion, that I must be anti-Catholic too. The responder didn’t say that, but hey, as long as everyone is jumping off of Conclusion Bridge, I may as well try it out.

Or hell, maybe the “moderator” thinks that I am one of those women-priest supporters or something.

Luckily, I know a cool theology prof (well, actually he’s charmingly nerdy) who was handy and who helped me out. I’ll have to write a post about it.

Seriously though.

People- don’t let nice (or crappy) people be why you join or leave a religion. Learn what the religion is, why it is, and see if its something that you are compelled to agree with. Also keep in mind that Jesus came to heal the sick and save the sinners, not go out and find people who are perfectly fine, white, and delightsome (and possibly sparkly).

Its one of my theories that that is why the Catholic Church, besides being full of fallen human beings, tends to have its share of people I’d like to curb-stomp. Jesus came to save the sinners, and guess where we all tend to converge? How many scandals has the Church had in the past decade alone?

I always keep that in mind when running into the holier-than-thous. It makes me more charitable, and 50% less crazy.

Rant done. 1253 words. Not bad.


1 Comment

Filed under Catholic, Mr. Serrano, Religion

One response to “My name is Katoriku Rant. You ticked me off. Prepare to hear some rant.

  1. David

    It’s very simple. Why is Mass special? Because Jesus is there. Right there. On the altar. Behind the altar in that gold tabernacle. He really is there. Because Mass is the closest that earth and heaven will get until Jesus comes again. This is also the reason to stay Catholic or become Catholic. Don’t let any human being drive you away from seeing Jesus in the tabernacle. Read St. Faustina’s Diary-she SEES Jesus on the altar when the priest consecrates the host…and feels him in her heart when she consumes him. I want that. Yes, I do.

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