Snippy Rant: A List

  • Oh, how nice Obama. So you wanna start a war? What, you didn’t learn from Bush how incredibly stupid that idea was? Oh…it did get him elected a second time.
  • Humanitarian Effort my Catholic-baptized butt. Ahem…Rwanda, Kenya, Darfur, Sudan, PLA ring a freaking bell?
  • Dear white-girl with the breathy voice wearing dreds and eating stinky vegan food that makes salsa and sauerkraut look appetizing: Nobody thinks you’re open minded, but we do think you might be slightly retarded.
  • Dear College Professors who STILL haven’t gotten the idea that traditional age students are adults: HI. I’m 25 years old. Please do drop the condescending tone.
  • Dear Feminazis: Thanks for taking real feminism and mutilating it so bad that when somehow some woman from some religion you don’t respect manages to get her heretical butt excommunicated for trying to make herself into a priest, its male oppression. Then, you turn around and gush about tolerance for Islam while women are literally being beaten in the streets for doing something so stupid as to wear pants. Thanks.
  • Dear Science Professors: Please learn how to spell something other than latin names. Also, you need a class in how to use Microsoft Word properly, so that when students are trying to write your notes into their computers, they aren’t constantly being told they can’t do that. Also also, please realize that Windows 95 should have been thrown out a long time ago already.
  • Dear not-so-bright people supporting Planned Parenthood. Hitler did nice things too. Think about it.
  • HI people who are already judging me for wanting to have as many kids as God can send me. Nice to see that you think its my choice until you disagree with it.
  • HI Mormon people from my mother’s place of worship. The more you try to suck me into your religion over the phone, via the cheesiest, most mind-numbing senseless quotes that were so obviously poorly plagiarized from either the forward in a random bible or Hallmark (gasp for air) the more practice I get with Latin prayers. It beats swearing, right?
  • Hi, freshman! Nice to know that now that you’re with “big people” you still think you know more than we do about college. Guess what? You’ll learn soon enough.
  • Drivers: I know that maybe you just feel like you have to be first, because you have some sort of complex. I also know that you have an SUV, or a mini-van full of kids, or that you might be some entitled college student who is the lucky beneficiary of wealthy step-parents engaged in a struggle for power- I know, and I just don’t care. Don’t cut me off, tailgate, rear-end, or threaten me in anyway, because then I’ll just make it very annoying for you to try.
  • Speaking of tailgating. Hi Mr. Policeman. I really love how you like to get right on my bumper with your brights sending jagged light into my eyes via my mirrors. I love how you wait 2 blocks away from a church (usually Catholic) right before Mass, waiting for anyone to go a smidge above the speed limit. I also can’t get enough of your professional attitude. I’m sure the KKK and anyone with an IQ of 6 would be at least mildly proud. Its nice to know that my tax dollars fund all of these wonderful activities. If they didn’t, maybe they’d go towards something useless…like making sure that city streets are actually safe to cross, or ensuring that when someone is getting raped, robbed, mugged or otherwise bothered is taken care of sometime in the next year.

Whew. I’m done for now. Had to get rid of some serious negativity. I managed to do it without swearing (well, at least no F bombs) so that makes me happy.

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