Alrighty…so my spam message box got a thing for IVF. Let me make 1 thing clear. Yes, I want 400 babies, some of them possibly Kenyan. No, I am not willing to stoop to that level (IVF) to make it happen. Adoption is better!
And not a mortal sin. Anyway, that is not what I’m asking you to pray about. (Although, by all means, do so!)
I’m asking to pray about something much more personal. You see, the problem I have is that my family is FRAKKING CRAZY to use a term one of my friends uses. I’ve talked about that a bit lately, since its weighing heavily on my heart. I need to learn to forgive, and to offer up what I’m suffering for their good. I could use some prayers on that, too.
However, I am at my wit’s end. I don’t know what I’m going to do with this. For one thing, I will say that Mr. Serrano and I have wandered into Mortal Sin Territory a few times. NO, no fornication, but still, not good.
I know that living with someone you are romantically involved with does not necessarily mean that you are having sex with them, but I know that it IS still considered a scandal.
Also, since I’ve already wandered into Mortal Sin Territory a time or two, the likelihood of it happening again will go up if I move into the same house as my beloved fiance.
I love him, I would love to live with him…but I want to wait for marriage. I know what sort of temptations there will be. I know that the Devil would like nothing more than to see Mr. Serrano and I fail, or worse yet, break up.
Unfortunately, my family life is crap. Its like Dr. Phil all over the place- lying, manipulation, emotional abuse, drama, and stupid people acting like they’re smart- and utterly failing at it. My “home” is spiritually and emotionally one of the most dangerous places for me.
I feel wedged into a corner. Its either risk possible sin by living with my future spouse before the marriage, or feel drained, cranky, and lash out at those who love me most because of the intense pain I suffer at “home”. I realize that that should be dealt with in a better way, but the constant degredation that I live through is enough to drive anyone crazy.
It has finally come down to the fact that I can not live in this house for any longer than absolutely necessary. In order to keep/restore my sanity, not to mention much needed self confidence (I talk a good talk on this blog…but its hard to live up to it) I have got to get out of the house.
So here’s the thing. I need:
- A well-paying, decent job.
- A cheap apartment close to that job, but also close to Luis, and ideally close to a Catholic Church.
- all of that, BEFORE Mr. Serrano gets his new apartment, which may be any day now.
Since I’m sure that God doesn’t want me to fall any more into sin than I have already, and since I’m sure that he wants me to become free so that I can forgive my family and move on with my life, I’m sure that my prayers will be answered.
So could anyone reading this stop for a second and say a quick prayer for me?